Today I went to USITT... it was a trip. It's a lot more low-key than SETC, which probably has something to do with the lack of high schoolers and high-strung actors. But, what USITT lacks in stress, it makes up with over-stimulation. The Expo Floor is full of all the possible theatre companies and theatre schools... it's amazing. And if you're lucky enough, you get to pick up some fun swag from some of these companies. This year I scored an awesome tote bag from Syracuse Scenery made out of stage drapery. I also managed to get a USITT coffee cup.
But the thing that I really want to talk about is the fact that all of these conferences (SETC & USITT this year, KCACTF in past years) do one really unfortunate thing for me: make me feel incredibly inadequate. I look at work done by professionals and my peers and all I think is that I can't draw that well. While I figure I've got just as good design ideas as the next person, my inability to convey them through my sketches, well, that is a problem.
It makes me think about the holes in my education. I've gone through 7 years of schooling to be stamped with the coveted MFA diploma in just 6 weeks (yikes) and what do I have to show for it? The same level of sketching capabilities and, in some ways, less finesse in my model-making, the one place I feel like I had real talent leaving Grinnell. It also doesn't help when I get to catch up with my Grinnellian peers, one of which is finishing her first year of graduate school and one who is in his first year of freelancing (and headed to Prague in May). All I could think was that I haven't made any strides this way. I also don't know that I'm cut out for freelancing... I wonder what it is that I'm doing all of this for. What have I been striving for? What is this all worth? Am I going to try to make it by freelancing, hoping to be a resident designer, or becoming a teacher? What is it worth? Is this just a quarter-life crisis?
Or just the ramblings of a tired, overworked graduate student?
MRT, I agree that those conferences can make you feel inferior in many ways. I've had the same feelings when walking through design halls.
ReplyDeleteWhat I have come to realize though is two things. Those drawings, sketches, models, etc. are just one small small piece of a much larger puzzle. How many of those people spent hours redoing sketches and models for competition... cause every shop I know ruins models and sketches during build. Then, going back to our previous conversation, how many of those designers never had to work with a real director and TD? It makes a difference. Sometimes our greatest design decisions (and concessions) come from the TD saying, "That will not work". For the people who don't go through that, they may have better sketches than you... but they have so much less experience.
Secondly, as far as conveying ideas... sketches and drawings are not the only way. Sometimes just talking is good enough. Literally! My lighting designer from my past 4 summers rarely handed me a section for the lighting plot. We always set electric heights when we got there. It took 3 minutes. So he didn't see a need to spend hours figuring out angles when he could come in the theatre and do it in minutes.
Basically what I'm saying is competition is just that, competition. Its a game. No one puts their worst people out on the field. It doesn't matter in competition if your rookie can kick a 100 yrd field goal in practice.... if he can't do it with the stress of the game, then he doesn't get to play.
However, in this scenario, the game is artificial. The game doesn't put food on your table, your practice (or actual doing well-thought out designs) does. You do that already so just spend your time improving yourself... not in the context of SETC, KCACTF, or USITT but in the context of what can you improve from your last design process, cause the only person who you're fighting against.... is yourself. (and either way you win!)
Winning!
CBJ
CBJ,
ReplyDeleteYou are very, very right. I do, however, wish that I'd been pushed to do more life-drawing and sketching throughout my education. At this time, too much emphasis is being placed on digital media, which feels flat and lifeless, even when done well. Meanwhile, the sketching talent of people coming out of top schools (like UNCSA, whose work was plastered all over USITT) that still emphasize drawing time and effort, I can see how it is inspiring and interesting and will capture a director's (or artistic director's) attention. Sure, their real-life experience is not as fleshed out as mine, but they can learn it the way I did: the hard way.
I'm probably just freaking out a bit because of the job crisis. Now that the MFA is over, I can't hide from it anymore. It's now or never, and I don't want to get a job just for a job. I've been avoiding working just for the paycheck vs. for love for so long, I can't turn back now.