Okay, so, last year I started this blog as a New Year's Resolution to write more. It worked for a while, but petered out with summer and this fall semester. It seems silly to reinstate that resolution officially (unofficially I have said it in my head) so I won't. Instead, I will write today, even though it is not Sunday!, and talk about a few things I realized this last week.
The end of last semester was rough. I had a really bad review with my faculty when I was expecting good things to come out of it. I have been thinking about it, mulling over some of the things they said, and one thing occurred to me about the accusation that I've got a bad case of senioritis. Last academic year I was on fire. My personal life fell apart but I used all of that to fuel my hard work and creativity for the year. I was on top of everything and went into the summer of work at UNCG not thinking much of the emotional and physical toll that I would have to pay for not really taking time to deal with what had happened with my ex and my family. This last semester I had a reprieve from lots of work because I only had two classes I had to take for the rest of my degree (my Master Production class and an Academic class). I chose to split those two up and take the Costume Seminar I was expected to take and do an Independent Study to keep me drawing. However, my energy and drive began to peter out. Some of it was senioritis, for sure, and I know that is what the faculty and staff at UNCG felt my lax work ethic stemmed from. But, in hindsight, I believe a part of it had to do with just not having the energy anymore. I used up so much on making last year awesome despite everything that I had no reserves to tap into when things got rough. I also know that working at UNCG this summer meant I had no recharge time (financially or emotionally) from an incredibly emotionally charged environment.
The sad truth is though I've come to realize that my senioritis doesn't just stem from being a a third year student who is ready to just be done, I'm not sure how much I'm going to improve over this last semester. This is not to say I'm not going to be on top of stuff, but like letting go of my extreme desire to be perfect and get a 4.0 when I got to Grinnell, it's nice to not feel like my nerves are on edge all the time because I must, need, have to get stuff done. No one else around me has ever really been as dedicated to turning stuff in on time and awesome. It's nice to allow myself to be human and make mistakes right now, because the sad truth is that if/when I get a job, I'm going to have to go back to being on edge because it will be a constant worry about whether or not I am going to keep said job.
But, for 2011, I am going to strive to strike a balance between work and personal time. I need to, for the sake of the two directors that I'm still designing for and the professor from whom I'm taking my last class, give it my all. Here's to hoping I can rekindle a bit of the former glory but not give myself ulcers at the same time.
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