The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything

I considered not posting something today, but today is not about hiding. Today is a celebration. Today is 10/10/10 or 101010. Today Grinnellians around the world are raising a (shot) glass to the ultimate 10/10 (first paycheck day). Today binary geeks are creaming their pants. Today Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy nerds are giggling about what the binary geeks figured out (101010=42). Today I am not getting married.

One year ago today my life was headed down a path with another person that I thought was The One. Together, in our ultimate geeky-nerdiness, had picked this day to pledge our commitment to each other after what would have been 6 years together. Today was going to be a big hoopy-di-do wedding with me in a white dress and our families looking on as I walked down some aisle on the Butte Creek Country Club in Chico, California.

But then a few days after 10/10/09, that path ended abruptly and I began to climb a very craggy, treacherous mountain by myself. Knowing that I was still going to get to today, I began imagining what and where it would be instead.

The good news is that I'm in Georgia with my best friend. The best friend who has seen me through the most shitty times of my life and will, one day, also see me through the happiest day of my life. Today is also still about Grinnell debauchery. The date is still a binary number. And that binary number still translates to 42. And though I'm not giving out towels as gifts to very confused family members in California, I still know the answer to life, the universe and everything.

Yes, the answer is 42, but it is also that life is a journey, an adventure (as cheesy as it sounds), and thinking that you know how it is going to turn out is not only stupid, but very arrogant. Living in the moment, embracing whatever hand you are dealt, and knowing yourself is all that matters. Hand in hand with this, too, is knowing when to stop trying to predict the future. For me it is turning off the fatalistic part of me that grew ten times the day I was forced to climb that mountain alone. Instead, I am working to remember that people are people. They make stupid human mistakes and hurt other humans. But not all the time. Sure, as has happened in the past with relationships that have fallen through, I am more guarded and scared. But I am also stronger. I know myself more. And that means that I can let that self go because it is wiser and more resilient than before.

So though I'm not getting married today to a man that turned out to be someone else, I am also not bitter or sad about what was or could have been. I am excited about what comes next. I am happy to have been given another chance to find a partner who will walk beside me down a path we both choose. But really, I am glad that I overcame the mountain and am back on solid ground (though pretty sure that I'm ready for the next obstacle in my way).